Why should she wait, she’s done enough, give her a break. She deserves better, but does she know that?
Should she be clarified each day, that she’s a beautiful girl, has a soul of a unique diamond.
Why can’t anyone else see it.
Only she knows herself best, but she’s confused almost all the time, because her clarity with boys are uneven, she doesn’t know how to choose the ones who won’t hurt her, instead she picks out the ones who’d prick her heart,
Most learn there lesson the first time, but she always finds herself in the same puddle. When will she learn how to pick out the perfect one for her? Will it be when she’s old and extremely wise, will she have to wait that long just to finally meet the right one for her?.
Boys she picks are always the same, but she believes in second chances, more than two actually,( which always isn’t the best thing to do) and always believes in that one specific boy she chooses, only because she really hopes he’s the one, & would make herself believe that he is, she’ll make an excuse for him & she’ll tell herself that it was just because he had a bad day if they had an argument. Her friends would ask how things are between them two, she’ll just say “oh nothing, we just had a tiny argument the other day”
“About what?”
“nothing, it was stupid, I started it”. (When in reality, she didn’t.)
If he won’t call her, then she’ll tell herself, “Maybe he’s not the phone type of person, I’m sure he doesn’t even like talking on the phone”. If he wont see her as much she’ll say, “ he just has a lot of things to do, nowadays people are busy”. If he won’t reassure her how much he likes her, or just simple things that a girl needs to hear like; I missed you, will make her feel like something wrong. She won’t say anything but shed tears to thinking, that’s the only problem. So she thinks of ways to try & solve the problem, figuring out why she’s even thinking like that. She makes an excuse for herself, full of excuses she is, when in fact she shouldn’t have done so. “maybe I am acting a fool, I'm sure theres nothing wrong, its just because i feel alone that i want him to talk to me all the time" she says that to comfort herself, but isn't satisfied. When she thinks it over she finds it best for him to comfort her, to hear out of his mouth what can be the problem & they'll fix it. When she speaks up telling him if there’s something wrong with them both, he’ll say nothings wrong, “your just over reacting right now, your over analyzing everything when its not even a big deal”. She waits and waits, still not happy because she knows something IS wrong, she has a gut feeling things aren’t the same, but will she say anything to him again? She won’t. She doesn’t want the boy to be upset with her for thinking so negative again. The girl begins to worry, she doesn’t want her relationship to go down the drain because of her way of thinking. She sits & thinks of what the problem can be, one in fact, is her negative thinking over analyzing everything, maybe it can be because I’m insecure with myself that I assume something’s always wrong”. She then acts differently around the boy she likes, she acts happily again like the first time they met, & even he wonders to himself how she changed so suddenly into that careless mood, just living the moment kind of thing. But all her acting is just fake, she does it around him because she knows if she bugs him with one-thousand questions about him & girls, that he’ll leave her, but her soul pains with uncertainty about things. She does it because she wants to be a good girlfriend to him. She tells him, with honesty that she’s sorry for acting the way she’s been acting, she tells him how she won’t be like that again. He tells her how much he likes her, and all those things she likes to hear which makes her heart smile uncontrollably. She doesn’t regret acting so foolishly, thinking of nonsense that was just in her head, because now she believes she’s closer to the boy, she trusts him even more, especially how he promised he’ll never leave her, she’s the only one for her. Days pass, they’re both really happy, they talk so much, but when they don’t talk, is when she begins to feel something wrong. She talks to him again, & then things feel better, she smiles talking to him. He has to go, so she says good-bye to him. Her smile turns upside down, her heart droops. She lays down, looks at her ceiling & just wonders to herself how crazy she must be for thinking somethings wrong, when they’re perfectly fine. She rethinks they’re conversations and pulls out the ones she considers to be some clues for her answer, she’ll even close her eyes & analyze the differences of how things went when they had gone out the same day. Her head spins, she points out so many wrong things that she feels aren’t right. She looks through things to find evidence, but she can’t find any. This time she looks where he probably wouldn’t think she’d look, but she doesn’t do it since she feels so nosy, she feels like she’s being some weird psycho stalker. Something tells her she has too, it’s not like he’ll know what I’m doing right? She tells herself.
She finally does it, & scared she is to find something she wouldn’t want to see. With just a click of a button, she finds the evidence.
“…………that’s all I was looking for…”
Stupid she felt, for having believed each word he said to her, & for not saying something when she should have, because it’s always too late for her words to have a say. There’s no saying, when he broke her heart, because she knows what’s next out of his mouth. She knows there filthy lies, & how boys think.
She just wonders each day what could possibly be wrong with her, she doesn’t count her insecurities anymore, because the boys she dates are the ones who make her feel insecure about herself. She doesn’t count her negative thinking, because if she found the right one, she wouldn’t have negative feelings, but positive. If they weren’t trying to impress other girls, then she shouldn’t have to worry, am I right? She knows looks aren’t everything, because beauty doesn’t last forever, its who you are as a complete person, & she prays each day to just find someone, because she has a lot to offer, her heart.
But how can she offer her heart to someone that could be the one if its shattered from all those times she was let down, & when her trust is fragile. Will she even give a chance anymore if she’s scared of things happening all over again?
